{Thinking Out Loud} Five weeks and five fears

5 weeks today will be the last day of my internship. It will be 1 day until my dad arrives. 9 days until my 23rd birthday. 13 days until my flight touches back in the UK, 6 months and 6 days after I left. What can I say, I like my numbers.

Obviously all of these countdowns are very exciting – I cannot wait to see my friends, family, new house and return home once again. But I’ve got to admit something else… I’m actually pretty scared.

Buenos Aires Skyline Palermo

My current home…

  1. I’m about to turn 23 and in October I start a year long Master’s programme. Don’t get me wrong, this is my dream course, but it also means that I won’t be getting a ‘proper’ paid job until at least Autumn 2015. When I look at the friends I left school with, most of them have already been working away for nearly a year. Am I doing the right thing? Can I afford this? Rationally, I know following my dream is the right thing to do but it’s not always easy…
  1. Buenos Aires has become my home. I’m settled here. Can I settle again? In a new house, a new place, a new lifestyle? And then just over 2 months later do it all over again in London?
  1. I’m not done here yet. I’ve still got so much more to learn, more Spanish to grasp. Will I forget it all? Will I be able to continue to learn and improve back in the UK or will it all ‘be a waste’?
  1. All the problems I left behind when that flight took off way back in January will still be there. All the struggles I took a holiday from haven’t gone anywhere. Am I ready to face them so soon?
  1. What if everything’s changed? What if I’ve changed? What if it doesn’t feel like home anymore? What will I do then?
  1. Bonus. On lighter note – it’s going to suddenly be summer and that’s just plain weird… I’m ready for winter, snow and Christmas! Mind mess.

herefordshire countryside

My British home…a bit of a jump!

I realise these are pretty rambling, so I do apologise – there’s a reason I’m linking up with Spoons today as I am quite literally Thinking Out Loud.

Thinking-Out-Loud2

I am also aware of the fact that I am incredibly lucky to have had the opportunity to take this experience in the first place, so I really do hope I am not sounding at all ungrateful here…

I know that I will get there, that these fears aren’t the be all and end all of everything and that I will learn even more and grow even stronger from my challenges in life…but it doesn’t make my weird limbo state much easier at the moment!

 

Have you struggled with coming back home after a big trip away before?  Any random ramblings to join the party?!

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12 thoughts on “{Thinking Out Loud} Five weeks and five fears

  1. I just joined the world of 23 year olds. I don’t know about you, but 22 was such a crazy year. It’s exciting to have a fresh start.

  2. I once lived in another place for a year. I stayed in a dorm near the port area, and when I was about to leave, I kept thinking: I couldn’t imagine going one day without seeing the sea. And it wasn’t just the sea, really; the entire place had become my home. But then I came back to my real home, and now I sometimes go months without seeing the sea, and it’s all good too. 🙂

  3. Don’t worry at all Pip. Enjoy the fact you are still not in the “real” working world – learning is so much more fun!! My sister worked and then went back and did her Masters at SOAS when she was 26 so didn’t get her first “real” world job until 27. Age is just a number and we only worry because we have been brought up with these “ideals” society places on us… “we must be blah blah blah by the time we are x age”. It is your life, make your own rules and hit stuff whenever is right for you 🙂
    Look at going home as a transition period to get used to being in the UK again and seeing family and friends! Then see London as the new big move. You will settle in in no time and you will absolutely love it!! Remember nothing is forever, you can go wherever you want in the world 🙂 OK this comment is getting a bit long! xx

    • You are right, society places SUCH ‘ideals’ upon us, I need to do me! I love the concept of seeing home as a transition period, kind of life an extended transfer 🙂
      Awesome comment, definitely not too long! Thank you sweetie – we MUST meet when I make it to London! xxx

  4. I’m going to echo what others have said and tell you not to worry about age because it doesn’t really mean all that much. I completely changed directions with my career when I was 28, and it was seriously one of the best decisions I ever made. Life’s a marathon, not a sprint… There’s plenty of time to get things done. And you need to trust yourself too, and know that no matter what happens and where you end up, you’ll be just fine 🙂

    • Yes I think trusting myself is important, it’s something I’m still working on but it’s getting better – just needs a few deep breathes now and again! Thank you so much lovely 🙂 these comments mean the world to me!

  5. I can relate to many of your fears, Pip- especially the comparison amongst friends who are already well into their careers. Saying that, there is no point jumping into something for the sake of it- it’s better to focus on yourself, your desires and see where it takes you 🙂

    • The comparison trap = dangerous. Yes, I know that if I’d gone straight into working in a conventional job after university I’d be very miserable… in fact, some of my friends are already hating on their work! I think it just takes belief, passion and confidence and we shall get there Arman! And the occasional large glass of wine…

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